I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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