This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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