My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm passing your future prison.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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