apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
