Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
