4 words: hood of his car
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
