when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize