If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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