all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
