I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
