did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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