we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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