Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
