so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
