i think my mom watched the whole time
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
