.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
