I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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