I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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