Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
