That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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