That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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