Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think my moral compass just broke
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
