I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
pop tarts are not kleenex
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
