So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize