Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
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almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
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Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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