I'm so fucking centered right now
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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