I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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