He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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