I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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