Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
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I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
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5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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