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That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
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