i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.