I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
