Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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