it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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