he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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