I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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