I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
