omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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