Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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