this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
