i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
