so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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