I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I touched a dick in church today
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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