Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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