the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
