i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
