I love black thongs
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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