K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
