I think im going to throw up on grandma
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
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Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
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I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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