Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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