No more Irish car bombs ever.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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