I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
