Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
