The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm really into asian looking animals
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
