dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
