Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
