We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
