ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
