Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
