This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
