you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
