At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If I die, sorry about rent.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
