So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I supernannyed him into submission
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
