dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
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I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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