Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
