he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
