apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
