Whod you bang
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
